My client, Jennifer, was expressing self-defeating thoughts for the umpteenth time. “Do you think my daughter will like her stepmother more than me? The new guy I met didn’t call me back. No one will ever want me. Why am I such a loser?”
It had been a long day, and I’d had it with her self-defeating comments. I blurted out: “It’s like you have . . . a psychological autoimmune disorder!” In autoimmune disorders the body attacks itself. So I meant that she was psychologically attacking her own body! She’s worked for years in the medical professional so I knew she’d understand the reference.
Jennifer was so shocked that she started laughing. Good technique, I said to myself. Disarm them with humor. Then she said, “If I didn’t like you so much, I’d be offended.” Then we both had a good laugh.
Self-defeating actions are defined as acts that defeat their own purpose or are injurious to their purpose. The outcomes are thus failures.
The most common forms of self-defeating thoughts I see in therapy are like Jennifer’s examples above. Clients might also respond easily to guilt trips and that guilting can create these same kind of negative self assessments. Sometimes it comes from living in non-validating environments; other times it appears to be in their genes.
No manamong them achieves erection while making cialis samples in canada love with his respective partner. The Sildenafil generic viagra in canada citrate is the cheap solution of impotence. There will be no time levitra uk for delays, or it may be chest muscles pains. It is buy cheap levitra essential to use this medicine after consulting a medical professional. With Jennifer, I went on the make my point: I told her, for the umpteenth time, that she had to change her self-talk. I gave her some examples of positive self-talk: I’m afraid I’ll lose my daughter, but I’ll do everything I can to maintain the relationship. Maybe the new guy is a player and if there’s a loser in this deal it’s him, because he’ll never know the true intimacy that comes with maintaining a long term relationships. Then I asked her to do it. Is it true no one will ever want you? Are you a loser?
Jennifer had good, positive responses to both those questions. Ok. Good progress. On the other hand, I know her and she’ll probably be back in my office next week expressing some of the same self-defeating thoughts. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and new self-talk takes time to develop. But at least she knows what the problem is. That’s better than just being a victim of her thoughts.
Don’t let your mind attack you with self-defeating thoughts. Psychological autoimmune disorder needs to be surgically removed — with proper self-talk!
Sanity now!
