Hardly a day goes by in my office without someone talking about fear. I’ve heard it all. People fear being embarrassed, rejected, outsmarted, and ridiculed. They also fear for their safety and the safety of their loved ones. They fear terminal illness and debilitating conditions. They fear failure. I’ve heard about fear of heights, elevators, closed in spaces, and planes that can’t leave the tarmac. Sometimes their fears start out small and get larger as time goes by. Or sometimes they have one fear at age five, but 10 fears by age 30. The fear I hear the most about is the fear of death.
Jerry Seinfeld famously said that according to studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking and number two is death. Therefore, he surmised, if at a funeral, most people would rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy.
Yes, I’ve had that fear in the my office too. I once had two co-worker/executives who were required to give presentations as part of their jobs and yet both of them feared it so completely that it had become debilitating. One sweated so profusely that he had to bring an identical shirt to change into after the presentation. The other’s anxiety leading up to the presentation had reached overwhelming proportions. They called me about 10 days before an upcoming annual meeting and wanted help immediately. I saw each of them three times – giving them every technique I had: hypnosis, EMDR, and cognitive therapy. Interestingly, they both responded positively but to different techniques. Both called me afterwards and used terms like miracle and changed forever.
So fear of death may not be the number one fear of human beings, but let’s assume that it’s near the top on most lists.
My clients have expressed fears of the death of their parents or grandparents, their partners or spouses, their kids, their favorite niece or nephew. Some fear the death of their pets even more than the favorite people in their lives.
Whenever I hear these fears, I dig a little deeper and I almost always find that underneath this fear of loved ones’ death is a fear of their own demise. And that’s regardless of what their faith is or their lack of faith.
There is one antidote that seems to work in many of these cases. I ask them to read about NDEs (near death experiences). My favorite to recommend right now is Eben Alexander’s bestseller: Proof of Heaven. He is a neurosurgeon and former NDE debunker, who experienced a seven day NDE.
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If a person wants to go a little deeper and seems open to it, I recommend authors with case studies on reincarnation like Brian Weiss or Michael Newton. Dr. Newton’s books include his original two: Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls. Newer ones are Life between Lives and Memories of the Afterlife (edited by him, authored by members of the Newton Institute).
In almost all cases, this reading expands peoples’ awareness, gives them more food for thought, and in combination with other tools, we are able to get them back on a healthy track.
No fear is fun or healthy. And that’s distinguishing fear from its more legitimate counterpart: caution. So the antidote is: Get thee to some good self help books that will change your perspective, your attitude, and your world view.
And next time you’re at a funeral, think about Jerry Seinfeld instead of your fears, and you’ll be well on your way to conquering (and laughing at) your fears rather than adding to them.
Sanity now!
