Just finished reading last week’s Time magazine article about the troubles at the Bolshoi Ballet in Russia, the world’s most famous ballet company. There is no doubt that the ballerinas at the Bolshoi are among the best dancers in the world and that they are awesome role models for dancers everywhere.

It turns out they are not awesome role models for their mental and emotional health, however.

And I’m not talking about the acid attack on the artistic director. That is obviously a new low in ways to handle conflict. I’m talking about everything that led up to the attack. According to the article, grown men in a work environment have not spoken to each other in years.

Come on people. This is so unhealthy on so many levels. Adolescents do it. But they have the lowest serotonin levels they will have in their lifetimes. Mature, healthy adults do not allow themselves to get pulled into these sorts of dramas.

A dear friend’s mother lived next door to her brother for over 25 years and they hadn’t spoken to each other for over 20 years. Dysfunctional? You betcha.

A husband’s new wife refused to speak to his ex-wife under any circumstances despite the fact that the divorce was harmonious. Unhealthy? Most definitely.

Two co-workers pass each other in the hallway and make no eye contact nor acknowledge each other. Appropriate co-worker relations? Not on your life.
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So what sorts of personality disorders breed these sorts of dysfunction? Is it the narcissist that has no empathy for others? The obsessive compulsive personality disorder that always has to be in control? What about the borderline personality disorder that has no control over emotions? Now this one is quite rare, but how about the anti-social personality disorder who is deceitful, manipulative and shows no remorse?

It could be any of the above or some combination of several of these. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you don’t want to have these traits. You don’t want to get pulled into dramas. And you want to be healthy, mature and functioning.

So here’s the tip: never, ever allow yourself to get pulled into a drama where you don’t speak to someone. It takes two to feud. Don’t start it, and if it’s done to you, don’t finish it off.

I’ve found in my practice that it is extremely rare for someone to continue a passive aggressive, “I’m not speaking to you” battle when the second person refuses to join in. I’ve seen it take as long as several months, but eventually most people give in and start talking. If they have a personality disorder, they’ll go find someone else to play drama with, but it won’t be you.

Then you will be a role model for healthy, mature, successful relationships. I can think of no better way to dance. And it will keep you on your toes!

Sanity now!